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Snaptshots
of a Daughter-in-Law
Adrienne
Rich
1.
You, once a belle in Shreveport, with henna-colored
hair, skin like a peachbud, still have your dresses copied from
that time, and play a Chopin prelude called by Cortot: "Delicious
recollections float like perfume through the memory."
Your mind now, moldering like wedding-cake heavy
with useless experience, rich with suspicion, rumor, fantasy, crumbling
to pieces under the knife-edge of mere fact. In the prime of
your life.
Nervy, glowering, your daughter wipes the
teaspoons, grows another way.
2.
Banging the coffee-pot into the sink she
hears the angels chiding, and looks out past the raked gardens
to the sloppy sky. Only a week since They said: Have no patience.
The next time it was: Be insatiable. Then:
Save yourself; others you cannot save. Sometimes she's let
the tapstream scald her arm, a match burn to her thumbnail,
or held her hand above the kettle's snout right
in the woolly steam. They are probably angels, since nothing
hurts her anymore, except each morning's grit blowing into her
eyes.
3.
A thinking woman sleeps with monsters. The
beak that grips her, she becomes. And Nature, that sprung-lidded,
still commodious steamer-trunk of tempora and mores gets
stuffed with it all: the
mildewd orange-flowers, the female pills, the terrible breasts of
Boadicea beneath flat foxes' heads and orchids.
Two handsome women, gripped in argument, each
proud. acute, subtle, I hear scream across the cut glass and
majolica like Furies cornered from their prey: The argument
ad feminam, all the old knives that have rusted in my
back, I drive in yours ma semblable, ma soeur!
4.
Knowing themselves too well in one another: their
gifts no pure fruition, but a thorn, the prick filed sharp against
a hint of scorn . . . Reading while waiting for the iron to
heat, writing, My Life had stood---a Loaded Gun--- in
that Amherst pantry while the jellies boil and scum or, more
often, iron-eyed and beaked and purposed as a bird, dusting
everything on the whatnot every day of life.
5.
Dulce ridens, dulce loguens, she
shaves her legs until they gleam like petrified mammoth-tusk.
6.
When to her lute Corinna sings neither
words nor music are her own; only the long hair dripping over
her cheek, only the song of silk against her knees and thesea djusted
in reflection of an eye.
Poised, trembling and unsatisfied, before an
unlocked door, that cage of cages, tell us, you bird, you tragical
machine--- is this fertilisante douleur? Pinned down by
love, for you the only natural action, are you edged more keen to
prise the secrets of the vault? has Nature shown her household
books to you, daughter-in-law, that her sons never saw?
7.
"To have in this uncertain world some
stay which cannot be undermined, is of the utmost consequence." Thus
wrote a woman, partly brave and partly good, who fought with
what she partly understood. Few men about her would or could
do more, hence she was labeled harpy, shrew and whore.
8.
"You all die at fifteen," said
Diderot, and turn part legend, part convention. Still, eyes
inaccurately dream behind closed window blankening with steam. Deliciously,
all that we might have been, all that we were---fire, tears, wit,
taste, martyred ambition--- stirs like the memory of refused
adultery the drained and flagging bosom of our middle years.
9.
Not that it is done well, but that it
is done at all? Yes, think of the odds! or shrug them off
forever. This luxury of the precocious child, Time's precious
chronic invalid,--- would we, darlings, resign it if we could? Our
blight has been our sinecure: mere talent was enough for us--- glitter
in fragments and rough drafts.
Sigh no more, ladies. Time
is male and in his cups drinks to the fair. Bemused by gallantry,
we hear our mediocrities over-praised, indolence read as abnegation, slattern
thought styled intuition, every lapse forgiven, our crime only
to cast too bold a shadow or smash the mold straight off.
For that, solitary confinement, tear gas,
attrition shelling. Few applicants for that honor.
10.
Well, she's
long about her coming, who must be more merciless to herself
than history. Her mind full to the wind, I see her plunge breasted
and glancing through the currents, taking the light upon her at
least as beautiful as any boy or helicopter, poised,
still coming, her fine blades making the air wince but her
cargo no promise then: delivered palpable ours.
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Adrienne
Rich
(1929 - )
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